09 letter to your crush/ex/bf/gf
there’s nothing to be said. What can be said about that which never was and never will be.
please never see me again. please remove yourself from my life as much as possible. I never want to see you or think of you again.
You only bring me despair. I wish to fully forget you. we’re not friends. please forget about me.
It is my greatest hope that we never meet again. I pray to every god in every religion that our paths never become intertwined again.
I do not hate you. but I cannot anymore bare your presence in my life. It has been a long while since our last encounter but even now I regret the impact you have had on me. I refuse to subject myself to the feelings you arise in me. I cannot be myself around you and this lack of autonomy is something I will not accept.
I am not ready to open my heart to another being. Love hurts. All I know of love is endless displeasure. Love has never done me any good. and I can’t risk it right now. I’m not ready for anything. don’t fucking speak to me because you can’t change me. i want nothing from you or anyone. sex is nothing, god is nothing, relationships are nothing, people are nothing, you are nothing. and nothing is the religion. it’s all meaningless so I might as well live in fictional universes where meaning is not important. My metaphysical arbitration of my own life has pulled me so far above my own existence that my physical drives are not important. I need something to existentially shake me up and out of this. back to reality to get into my own body before I will ever want you or anyone else again in a deep real way.
fuck.
