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I start my journey early today walking through the woods. I know I don’t have too much time left but it somehow feels like I’ve got just enough for what I need. I’ve walked at least a few hours and now it seems like I’ve put my body through enough strain for a lifetime.
So I take a break from walking in the direction I thought was a steep uphill incline but when I look back on it, it is endlessly flat. My mind must have been playing a trick on me, giving me a sign that I need to slow down and stop altogether. I sit on the ground in a nice quiet spot but the restless aching in my muscles forces you to give up on that position. I rest my back to the ground as I commit to settle my head and body among the soft dirt and leaves.
A great relief washes over me in this instant. Like I never wanted anything more than that one moment. Like I could have stayed there forever and nothing would ever change. My body felt every little nerve ending and sensation, noticing for the first time since I could remember, the sky. It had always been in my peripheral vision but hadn’t yet taken my concern until this very moment. Today it is nearly completely clear with only a single unwavering cloud, blocking the Sun at a perfect angle to keep it out of my eyes. Good. Scintillating, in fact. The trees sway and leaves rustle in today’s smooth summer breeze, dancing around the remaining light in a shimmering display of beauty. Something one can only know once they witness it themselves.
“Ineffable,” is what I call this. And almost as easily and swiftly as I embraced the sky, I lose my sense physical pain and touch in my body, my ears cease to work. Paradoxically I think to myself, “Surely now I can hear myself think, surely now I will be in touch with my feelings.” This thought makes very little sense to me but I still know it to be entirely true. I see and know the wind is there but am no longer affected by it. It cannot move me any more than I can now move myself, numb body and all. Perplexed, I ask myself how and why is this happening? But I can tell that I’ll never have the time to get the answer. I decide that to seek this answer would waste a wondrous and rich experience that I could never get back. So I let go of the answer and question, wishing only to watch as the cloud slowly moves out of the way.
I finally get to look as the bright star uncovers itself from behind its cloud stunning me with its powerful light. The sun soaks and bathes me in overwhelming sunshine, destroying my eyesight. I lose everything else but my thoughts and my breath. Even my wit. I try a single fruitless attempt at remembering as much of the world as I thought knew it. The best my memory can provide me with is the position of the sun. High noon.
Suddenly, I inhale and it feels like I have inhaled the entire sky. And with the gust of air comes the question I had discarded. With it comes the answer I believed I’d never get. It confuses me so I hold my breath to keep it because I worry it may leave the way it came before I understand it. A futile effort. But I release it, let go, exhale and give the answer back. In return however, I spontaneously decipher the meaning of the answer. And in giving back my answer I receive peace of mind.
Time for me reaches infinity as I bring myself to utter my last words, ones which can only ever come close to what I truly mean.
“I finally watch because I cannot see. I finally listen because I cannot hear. I finally feel because I can no longer experience touch.
This is not death. This is our long awaited reunion. Together you and I become what we once were. We will become One with each other. Separate no longer.”
And with that, in a loving embrace I knew from lives past, I kissed the world “goodbye” and kissed the Earth “hello.”
On one dark winter day when the wind was blowing violently outside, people were talking in a room. Then, a bird entered the room through one window and flew out of it through another window. Where did the bird come from and where did it go? The people in the room agreed that human life was exactly like that.